iAmSecond

I love that song sung by David Crowder "He is Jealous For Me." It has and always will be one of my favorite songs. In high school I loved it because it gave me the feel-good christian feeling of God's love, but now, after my two year journey with my growing intimacy with Christ, this song convicts me. The beginning lyric, "He is jealous for me!" How many times do I put something above God? I don't mean to, and it may be something as silly as life's busy schedule or something as stupid as technology or it may even be a person, but nonetheless, I am guilty of putting something above God and not putting Him first. How selfish I am! How irritated God must be of me! No wander the joy of my salvation rides down a roller coaster so much, because every time I slip up I know that God isn't happy with me. But God never fails to presistently pursue me! Every time I fall He picks me back up again because He is JEALOUS for me! He wants my attention! And He will continue convicting me of every sin I commit until I have conquered it with Christ's strength in me. Oh how He loves us!

An example of what God has taught me in my life is through Kyle Idleman "Not A Fan" Bible Study lesson that my Iron Group (Small group-Proverbs 27:17) is doing this semester. Recently God has been laying on my heart that a completely committed follower of Christ makes sacrifices for Him---willing to give up everything to follow Him--EVERY aspect of your life has to be surrendered to Him: school, work, finances, relationships, desires, even the small things. One of the small things that God has been laying on my heart is my iPhone.... I hate to admit it but I struggle with technology controlling me. It's stupid I know! But ever since God broke me at Student Life Camp after my senior year (summer 2010), that has been one of the things God has been trying to break me of. But for awhile I thought I was good on that, because God hasn't brought it to my attention in awhile and He has revealed and taught and perfected and molded me in other areas in my life these passed two years at TCC and living at home. Until now...

So what to do when God puts something on my heart? I pray. I ask God what He wants me to do with my phone. And when I think He's telling me to give it up (because I'm learning that a completely committed follower needs to give up everything that comes between you and Jesus) I don't have a peace about it. And in reality, an iPhone comes in handy for emailing, weather, internet, and so forth. So I didn't know what to do. I am at a crossroads. And that's how the joy of my salvation can fade away....and that scares me! I hate it when that happens. I hate the feeling of God not being there when in reality He is! And on top of that, life is still moving on. I have exams to study for, papers to write, scholarships to apply for, work, church activites, raising the fiances for  mission trips, and on and on it goes! I can only handle so much.... Life is crazy... Sometimes I wish I had money so I wouldn't have to worry.. But then I'd probably struggle with another sin that God and I would have to work on.... Anyway, back to the point, what to do with my phone? Give it up? Keep it and just not be so consumed by it? But how do I ever do that? And I don't think I am consumed with my phone....That's silly. I am so grateful for a merciful Great and Almighty God that I serve never gave up on me. This morning, Monday March 5, 2012--- God got my attention.

Kyle Idleman, "Not A Fan: Follower's Journal"
Picture Jesus saying this to you and insert your name in the blank:
"                                , I want you. I am jealous for you. You are important to Me. I don't want to see you used and hurt by others. I will not share you with the other gods of this world."

Jesus wants ME! Jesus wants YOU! Just like a wife won't share her husband with another woman and a husband won't share his wife with another man, Jesus doesn't want to share you! He doesn't want to have to come second to anything or anyone else! Jesus wants to be FIRST! But like the rich man in Matthew 19 having money wasn't the problem. The problem was that money had him.

My problem isn't that I had an iPhone. The phone can be useful in our society. The problem was that I let the iPhone HAVE me! I don't need my phone every second of the day! I don't need it the few hours I'm at school. I don't need it the few hours I'm at work or in church. I don't need it every time I feel bored. My mom and dad forget their phones at home a lot and the only negative side of them doing that is that I can't get a hold of them until they return. As long as I remember that I don't need my phone and I don't let the phone HAVE ME, it's not a sin to own a iPhone. Just like the rich man in Matthew 19 wasn't wrong to have money. And now I have peace in my heart. Now I understand what God wanted to teach me in this verse:

"Sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come follow Me."
-Matthew 19:21

Don't let your possessions have you. Everything belongs to Christ.