🌎To the Ends of the Earth 🌏

I’ve been back in States for a few days now. Every time I’ve traveled to another country in the past, it’s hard for me to adjust back to the American way of life. It’s different and not many people will understand the experience. It helps to be plugged into a community that understands your heart and is willing to listen when you need to verbally process, but even they may not be able to fully empathize. It helps me to write out all my thoughts in one big chaotic mess of words, and then I can read them out loud and analyze and connect the main ideas together. One thing that God revealed to me in  Southeast Asia came when I was asked the question, “How has the gospel impacted your life in the last week?”

This is a good question to ask ourselves here in the States too, because we should be living missionally right where we are as well. This is the conviction I need to ask for forgiveness for daily because I get caught up in my own world far too often. This is my response to the question for my two weeks in Southeast Asia: 

In the second village we went to it was so broken with the majority of the women divorced or widowed. My host home was one of the few who were still married, however, they had their share of brokenness too. On our last day she told us that her son had died in the city in a motorcycle accident just last night. 😢She was hurting and she trusted us to share, but she would not share her brokenness as well as share her home. The first village was smaller and had more family connections, and they were overwhelmingly hospitable. The second village was hospitable too and wanted to host us, but their hospitality was more traditional to their culture. (I can explain in another post or if you want to know, let’s grab coffee or tea sometime!) The interesting thing is, the second village in their brokenness was more open to having gospel conversations in host homes with the workers than the first village did. It took me by surprise, but God revealed to me that it’s the darkest most broken places that are more hungry for the Good News. This ignited my heart to share more of God’s Word! 

“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 

-Romans 5:8 

“The LORD is close to the broken-hearted and saves those crushed in spirit!” -Psalms 34:18 

It’s in our brokenness that we are drawn to the love and kindness of God!  

The second village had more people open to hear because they are desperate! God is moving in their village, and He was so kind to use us to fight against the evil that is attacking the village! It was so hard to leave after just a few days, but what a joy and relief it is knowing God will continue to work without our presence! 🩵 

God will continue saving people for His glory, in every nation, in every tribe, and in every language! 
“And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and THEN the end will come.” -Matthew 24:14 
“Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have anxious hearts, ‘Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will continue with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.” -Isaiah 35:3-4

The Restless and Fulfilling 20s

 My 20s have been a long one. My college years were focused on serving God more than my college classes or finding a husband. The last two years of my college career were spent with the reality that I HAD TO GRADUATE. I finally took two summers of summer classes so I could graduate, and even then I didn't get to graduate as an education major. I ended up finishing with my degree in Intercultural Studies, and to pursue my teaching certification after graduation. 

At age 25, I finally reached the milestone as a college graduate. I taught English in China that summer after graduation, but I returned home to no clear direction. I am very grateful that my parents let me come home, and I had a job at the early childhood center that I worked at in college. Despite my 5 years in college, I still had so much growing up to do. On top of that, I was now facing the fear I didn't have while in college... will I end up single and alone? That's a real fear I didn't think I'd have, but once you leave the safety and structure of college, the reality of the world becomes scarier.

I worked 2 part-time jobs for 2 and a half years post-graduation, and I cherished that season because I got plenty of family time and growing pains I didn't know I needed. However, I was always discontented for something more. Fast forward to 2019 when I was hired to be a first grade teacher, where more growing pains awaited for me, and a pandemic. But the fear of being alone forever was still looming over me like a big black storm cloud in my heart, and I wasn't surrendering it to the Lord. I wasn't surrendering it because honestly, I was afraid to. I still am most days. It's a daily battle I need to surrender, and most days I don't want to. Thank goodness for God's abundant mercy and grace.  

I realized within the last year and a half that I was never afraid to say yes to God in college because my yes' were always short-term discomfort. Once God brought the possibility of permanent discomfort, I shrunk back. I didn't want to surrender. "Why would God do that?" was my thought. I was having trouble believing what I already knew... that God's ways are always good even when they are not my plans. So difficult to say that--or type that. But I'm being real because somehow I don't think I'm alone in these thoughts and fears.

I don't have it all figured it out yet, and I'm still learning to trust God more as an adult every day. But I am confident now that my life as a Christian has not ever been based on what I do for God. I never have or had to be perfect. That's the work of the Holy Spirit as I walk with Him. I'll have times of joy, times of sorrow, times to tear, and times to sew. But God is in every single one of those times. Searching for God's will for my life is simply being where I can serve and love Him and the people around me. My 20s may look different to what society, or what my 13 year old self thinks it should have been, but I can look back and see exactly where God was even in the mistakes. God never left and He never will. 

God uses restlessness to awaken our hearts for the higher purpose and calling He's prepared us for. 

I may not meet my husband in my 20s. God is preparing us separately and clarifying our calling so we will be ready for when we meet. Or maybe God doesn't have a plan for me to be married. Either way, I will strive to be in God's will in the place he has for me. 

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; 
your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. 
Do not forsake the works of your hands."
-Psalms 138:8