For anyone finding it hard to keep moving, to keep loving, to keep waking up each day. Maybe you're laying in bed right now wishing and hoping for a better tomorrow. Maybe your co-workers are getting annoying with their gossip, your boss is being too uptight or maybe you're just not in the "the customer is always right" mood. Maybe your finances look hopeless, school is overwhelming, and life is changing faster than you realize and you just want life to slow down. Or you may be like me and doubt that you'll ever get done with school and be single forever. Oh, and how on earth am I going to pass my College Algebra class this summer?! Not to mention trying to figure out what I'm going to do in the Fall. Will I pass my THEA test to get into the College of Education in the Fall?Where will I continue leading at church? Will I get along with my new roommates? Will I continue to work at the YMCA or find a job on campus? Will I be able to afford my books? Will I be able to make it to the hospital when my FIRST niece is born in September? So many questions, so many unknowns. Sometimes I wish I could go somewhere far from the city, live by myself and sing about having no worries or cares for the rest of my days.
But wait....
I get lonely, irritable, bored and lazy when I spend half the day alone in my house! I'd die out there by myself singing and eating bugs with a warthog and a muskrat! Animals are cute and all but I don't think they would satisfy my need for human interaction. And then I think... Stupid Molly!
While I worry about all the unknowns of the future, I forget about what God has already done in the past and what He's doing now in the present. Before I started my freshman year of college I was a scared little 18 year old girl not wanting to say goodbye to everyone in the youth ministry. But God knew what He was doing keeping me home for two more years to go to community college. He knew I wasn't ready when I thought I was. Then I fix my eyes not on me and my little control of life, but on Jesus and I am reminded again that He was and is always there at every moment. Even when I am distracted by the wind, the pretty boat or what the other disciples are doing around me. But God never fails to reach out His hand and steady my focus back on Him and then all my questions stop. Some are answered right away but most of the time my questions are answered with God telling me to be still and enjoy the moment NOW and TRUST Him with the future.
In the of two years I spent at the community college I began a new journey in my walk with God. Finding my confidence and my identity in Christ, learning to work with kids, experiencing a different culture overseas, being the hands and feet of Jesus across the street and around the world, learning about relationships with people around me and my strengths as well as my weaknesses. During that time I was asking God where He wanted me next. I thought He had closed the door on DBU forever. God had changed my desire from wanting to be a journalism major and a writer for the New York Times. I didn't know what I wanted to do. Little did I know that everything He did through bringing me a best friend to the 20somethings group when I had no one, getting me a job at the YMCA, leading in the children's ministry, the mission trips, the blessings in disguise through a stranger, a classmate, a short-term friendship, the reconciling of a friendship; it was all part of God's work in my heart to where I am now. I did end up at DBU and it's a blessing every single day. But my struggling and doubts didn't stop once I got to DBU. There's no magic force field around Patriot Hill. But there are people that God has used to keep me chasing and seeking after Him. Whether it's a verse in chapel or on blackboard, a professor (and not always a religion professor), someone in the caf (cafeteria), a classmate or a roommate; God has planned every single semester. He has planned every single day since before I was born. I'm still learning to trust God everyday in every single way and to keep walking on water with my eyes on Jesus. I look back and I see God using certain people in my life to draw me back to my First Love. I desire to be that person to other people; that person God uses to draw them back to His arms. When I sit back and look at what God has done not just in my life but everywhere, I have to believe that He has even better plans tomorrow!
Sometimes it takes the biggest storm to turn our eyes back to Jesus. If that's what it takes, then I don't mind the storm. I rather be in the storm with Jesus than be under the rainbow without Jesus.
My Meteorology professor helped me change my perspective when I said the words "I can't" in front of him in his office. He stopped me before I could finish my sentence and said, "Molly, stop saying 'I can't.' From now on say, "I CAN through CHRIST who strengthens me."
I'm graduating late. I need to schedule my time. I need to pass this College Algebra class. I need to keep at least a 3.0 GPA. I need to work. I need to invest in relationships around me but also keep up with my school work. I need to take care of my body spiritually and physically. I need, need, need. But when I satisfy my need for Jesus first all those needs become less overwhelming. God knows what I need and He has never failed to provide them. Whether it's a need I'm aware of or not, He always comes through for His precious child.
So hang on if you're in a storm right now. God is right there with you to keep you calm through the storm.
In Christ,
Molly Rae
"So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:31-34
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